Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
