she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
