I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
