Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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