At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
