What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
