I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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