I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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