Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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