You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
