cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
