The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
