i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
