He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
