I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize