I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
