I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
