he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
