Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
