lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
