I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
