I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
