I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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