Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
