i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize