it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
