I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
