My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
