I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
