go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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