woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
