Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bring me that man meat
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
