These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
