Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
