I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dick very happy bro
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
