I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
