Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
