im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i believe in u and ur pee
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