Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
babies were throwing up all over the place
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
