the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
