That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
