How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
