am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
