come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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