Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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