You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
