I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm too high and old for this...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize