What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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