Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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