I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
