I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
