I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
