He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
