Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
