your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the day after is always just damage control
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
