Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize