My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
