she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
