Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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