i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
