the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
