you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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