I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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