Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
