My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
