Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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