From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
