I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
