He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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