he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i now understand why vodka
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
