I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
