Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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