I CAN MOONWALK!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
