Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
