he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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