oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
