Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
