I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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