I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
